Vignette: A promise

I promised you that the minute you needed to jet, I’d meet you outside in Coraline’s truck and we’d bolt down to Mexico — after all, I can speak Italian with a Spanish accent, so we would be just fine. The first time I said this, you laughed and replied, “God, you’re great.”

We were about two months into sleeping with each other at that point, five months into just knowing each other. 

The second time I reminded you I was willing to commit grand theft auto — though I’m not sure it’s truly GTA when it’s my own divorced sister-in-law’s truck I’m stealing, especially when she swindled my brother out of seeing the kids for 50 weeks out of the year — you kissed me on the forehead with a smile and said “But they don’t pay that much in Mexico.”

Canada, then, I said. They have Mounties and great healthcare. Or cheap pills, at least.

“And mountains!” you added. “I like mountains.” 

So it was settled, that we’d drive up to Canada in my ex-sister-in-law’s truck after I had swung by to pick up your dog and camping gear on my way to collect you from what I was sure would be a very bloody murder scene. You could hide in the back alley while the cops assessed the body count. Just one, as planned. Maybe more if there were annoying witnesses. Be sure to bash his head in with a block of ice so it would melt and none of your fingerprints would be found. 

“Feels….cold,” you said when I recommended this.

“Yeah, but the son-of-a-bitch deserves it.”

“No, the ice,” you said. “I lose feeling in my fingers really quickly when the temperature drops, so I’m not sure how long I can hold an ice block.”

“And you want to go to Canada?”

So now we’re back to Mexico as our escape destination, and I’m still waiting for the call telling me to hotwire that bitch Coraline’s truck, swing by to get Rufus the mutt and some camping gear, pick up you and your numb fingers, and high tail it to a beach south of the border. Just so happens I look great in a bikini.

Oh, you think I’m joking? Check out these abs. And this ass. I’m fucking Raquel Welch. Bette Page. Halle Berry walking up on the beach in Die Another Day.

Oh, you mean about driving to Mexico. Baby, just hand me the map and you can doze shotgun the whole way down.

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#NaNoWriMo2018 Day 3: How to escape monotony through a skyscraper window

Jennifer and Felix were never in love. There was a time when Jennifer was slightly enamored and even more desperate enough to think she’d just grab and kiss him so she could say she had locked lips with a boy who wasn’t doing it on a dare. She was 15 at the time.

But almost 15 years later, both Jennifer and Felix were sure they would have a relationship very much like the one described by Albert Brooks in Broadcast News; they’d have dinner once in a while, get hot for each other on occasion but never act on it, and go on with their separate lives. He was living the monotonous life of an already-retired Hollywood stunt man living in a quaint Missouri town, and she was surviving day-to-day chained to a desk.

Until she wasn’t anymore.

Jennifer’s boss kept talking, but her mind wasn’t listening. She just looked at the pictures on the walls. Him with his kids. Him with his wife. Him with the president of the company. Him with the president of the country. He really thought he was a big fucking deal.

She had pictures, too. Her with friends from college, whom she never talked to anymore or even cared about enough to read their social media updates. She didn’t know why she kept those pictures up, except to remind others that at one point, she was a likable person — a popular person, in fact — who went by Jenni and sketched incredibly lifelike roses on all her notebooks. But since college, nothing had changed for her, apart from her demeanor. All the ugly she bottled up hadn’t magically drained out of her upon graduation, and she still suffered the constant feeling she was letting a professor (or boss) down, the constant need for sexual and alcoholic satisfaction, the constant lack of sexual and alcoholic satisfaction.

Maybe it was the fact nothing about her had changed that pissed her off the most and made her so irritable. Nothing made her happy anymore; even a promotion and raise would irk her because it meant that someone couldn’t see through her outer good-worker appearance to understand her underneath. They either couldn’t or wouldn’t. The first was frustrating; the second hurtful.

So maybe all the pent-up frustration that she still hadn’t gotten out, even after her rampage through the office, was what made it not just unsurprising but also welcome when Felix crashed through the boss’ door, grabbed her arm and dragged her to and through the 29th-story window.