I once ate an apple, and when I got to the core, I took one look inside to see the brown seeds. Instead, the seeds and the walls were covered in fuzzy gray mold. The apple had been dying inside — was dead inside — all along.
In one motion, I spit out the piece I had just put in my mouth, tossed the core away and immediately brushed my teeth. I didn’t touch another apple for more than a month, and when I did, I didn’t eat toward the core. I’d enjoy the juicy flesh, but I didn’t want to take the chance of finding out if it was dying on the inside.
That’s the way we deal with people, isn’t it? We like them until we get to their core, and if they’re gray and fuzzy, we toss them aside and spit out the good part because we’re paranoid that some of that fuzzy badness will rub off on us, and our own mouths will turn to gray and fuzzy. We wash our hands of them, brush our teeth of them, try to forget we ever dealt with them. And what scares us the most is if that juicy, flavorful, shiny person has a sickening inside, then any juicy, flavorful, shiny person has the potential to have that sickening inside. And there’s no way to tell just by looking at them, or by biting into them. You have to spend the time ripping the flesh from them and diving deep, enjoying each sweet taste until you get to the core and find out if there’s brown life or gray death. You have to get to the core.
This was found in notes from July 2017. Even now I’m not sure who I was specifically writing about, or if I was just getting maudlin about a bad apple at lunch that day.